Christmas Spirit

Today, December 21st, the thing I feared has come to pass.

No, not the apocalypse (ask me that again in 6,700 A.D. when I am a brain in a jar). But it might just as well have been.

On the ride to school this morning, out of nowhere, Mina said, "I don't believe in Santa Claus."

Nick shot me a look, glad we were at a red light, aware that we may have crashed otherwise, as my jaw hit the brake on its way to the floorboard.

Unable to process it, my eyes flicked up to the mirror and her imperious little face, all smug with grown up knowledge. And my heart broke a little.

"What?" I choked.

M: "I don't believe in Santa Claus."

R: "Well, how do you get all those presents then?"

M: "You."

Damn. As much as I would like to take credit, the whole point of Santa is to give selflessly. I could buy her a gift (if money allowed) just about at any time. But there is joy in a gift that is given with no social ties attached. No competition, no consideration of reward or credit. I love Santa for being bigger than parents and sparents and family; he is the spirit of giving, kindness, generosity. He is a symbol that we can point to and say, This is what is right in this often broken world. And I tried my best to explain that to her.

R: "Well, it's up to you if you believe in him or not. But I believe in Santa Claus."

N: "Me too."

Mina's eyes narrowed, as if she sensed that we were pulling her leg. "Why?"

R: "Because he isn't just about bringing presents. He is the spirit of kindness and generosity. Even if you can't see him, he affects how we behave -- he shows us how to live better, gentler lives. After all, lots of things you can't see affect you. Anger, sadness, kindness, love, generosity -- you can't touch one of them, but they can greatly change how you live."

Mina's grown-up superiority settled back onto her face as she arched her eyebrows. Smugly, she pointed out, "Those are all emotions."

R: "Yes. And emotions greatly affect how people act and live. It was kindness, love and generosity that made Nick and I open our home to you and gave you and your mommy and sister a place to live. It was anger and sadness in your father's heart that made him hurt your mommy. None of us act without a reason, and often that reason is an emotion. Do you understand?"

Her little lips puckered in the way that they do when she is thinking very hard.

R: "Anyway, whatever you believe, I believe in Santa Claus. Because kindness and generosity are so important to me, and they are real too even if  we can't touch them or see them, and I love him for inspiring us all to be kind and giving."

Nick reached over and held my hand. "I love Santa Claus too."

And then we had a little talk about not arguing for his nonexistence when other people talk about Santa, because Santa Claus means so much to some people. By the time we got to school, we had discussed Frosty the Snowman, and she was singing her own little made-up Christmas Carol after Nick and I belted out a few lines from "We Need a Little Christmas".

I don't know if I convinced her to believe again, but I hope I helped her believe in why we all need Santa Claus.